Porker's

Stop 11 on the burger tour:  Porker's

Overall Score: 53(F)

	Burger	Sides	Service/Exp	Value	SCORE
John	35	5	9	6	55
Russell	35	6	9	6	56
Mark	28	5	9	6	48

John

Not counting Subway--because it doesn't qualify as eating out-- over the last several  years we have probably dined at Porker’s more often than any other restaurant.  (Champy's is a close second, but more on that in a later post.)  But I have never ordered anything but BBQ from Porker’s.  Who knew they even served hamburgers?  When the idea first came up, Russell  said he had heard that BBQ joints make great burgers because they know how to do meat.  So I was excited by the prospect of a Porker’s burger.

Russell and I drove to Porker’s in my very comfortably air-conditioned truck (which I much enjoyed despite Martyr Mark’s derision).   I would never have imagined the drive would be the highlight of the experience.  Whoever made the statement about BBQ cooks making good burgers has obviously not had one from Porker’s.  What can I say?  It was just awful.  I’ll let Russell and Mark fill in the details, but let’s just say I almost asked Kim, a very nice waitress, to bring me a spoonful of pulled pork so I could cleanse my palate.    Porker’s barbeque is so good,  my theory is that they just don’t care about the burgers.  They really should take it off the menu if they aren't even going to try.

Oh well.  As  Haruki Murakami (not Forrest Gump) said in the book Norwegian Wood, "Just remember, life is like a box of chocolates." ... "You know, they've got these chocolate assortments, and you like some but you don't like others? And you eat all the ones you don't like as much? I always think about that when something painful comes up. 'Now just polish these off, and everything'll be OK.' Life is a box of chocolates."

Almost wish I hadn't polished off the Porker’s burger I didn't like, but you do what you gotta do and everything is OK because next week we get to try another chocolate.

Overall Score: 55(F)

Lemon Bonus: 3

Russell

This week we knocked out our burger stop early.  Now I have nothing to look forward to for the end of the week.  After the burger stop today at Porker's, I really need another burger fix fast because this one was very disappointing.  I have been to Porker's many times before but I had never ordered a burger.  Note to self: never do so again.  Stick to the BBQ.  The BBQ is great and it has been a Chattanooga staple for over 23 years.  None of us could remember why we added Porker's to the burger tour other than George Motz, host of Burgerland on the Travel Channel, once said that all BBQ places have great burgers because they all know how to cook meat.  Well, turns out George is a liar.

The burger patty was very bland and tasted much like the burger patty that we got at North Chatt Cat and we all know how that visit went.  The bun and the veggies were ok except Mark made an unfavorable comment about his lettuce.  Poor Mark was also just getting over a slight case of food poisoning from a burger he had a couple of nights before (from a chain restaurant, not the burger tour).  We all agreed that Porker's and North Chatt Cat must get their frozen beef (or soy) patties from the same food vendor.  The fries were frozen crinkle cut fries, which I was expecting since I had been here many times before and have gotten the fries with the pork plate (which is yummy).  Since the burger was so disappointing, I decided to wash it down with a piece of Oreo cookie pie.  


The moral to today's story is when you go to a BBQ place, stick with the BBQ.  They don't care about burgers.  They are there to serve delicious BBQ.  I can't wait to go back to Porker's to get the BBQ pork plate.  This place should definitely be on a BBQ tour (hint hint).

Overall Score: 56 (F)

Mark

"Where's the beef"?
Who doesn't have fond memories of the little old lady from the 1980's Wendy's commercials?  Her image kept appearing in my mind today as I tried to slug my way through today's burger.

Porkers has been serving great BBQ for years, and in fact is a place we have lunch quite often.  My "go to" item on the menu is the smoked chicken salad.  I've learned today that good BBQ doesn't equal a good burger.

Have you ever noticed that some of the drinks in the grocery store look like orange juice but actually say "Orange Flavored Drink" on the front?  I can only imagine that the box that these frozen patties were delivered in is stamped "Beef Flavored Something".  I can't taste any meat in this thing at all.  The veggies on mine were decent, but they could have been more generous with the lettuce and onion.  The bun was the best part, and best I could tell, was a regular old Colonial Bakery variety you can get at Bi-Lo.  I actually committed a faux pas by adding BBQ sauce to my burger half way through, otherwise the second half would probably have remained on my plate.  The fries were frozen crinkle cuts and as I've said before, those are not a deal breaker for me, but I must have been served the last of the batch because all I had were tiny end pieces.

So what can save this burger?  Nothing.  They should remove it from the menu.  They should forget it all together, which is what I'm going to do. Do yourself a favor when you visit and order the BBQ; you will be treated to friendly service, a great atmosphere and perfect sweet tea.

"Where's the beef?"  Not at Porker's.  This is pig country.

Overall Score: 48 (F)

Next stop on the tour:  Doctor's Building Coffee Shop