Magoo's

Stop 17 on the burger tour:  Magoo's

Overall Score:  93.3(A)

	Burger	Sides	Service/Exp	Value	SCORE
John	68.6	9.6	9	9.2	96.4
Russell	63	9	10	8	90
Mark	66.5	8	9	10	93.5

John

I'm way past my deadline.  Mark and Russell haven't said anything, but I'm feeling the pressure.  So I'm
going to leave the details to them.  The word for me as far as Magoo's is concerned is "EXCELLENT":

	Excellent	Not Excellent
Burger	x
Bun	x
Lettuce	x
Tomato	x
Onion	x
Fries	x
Service	x
Dan	x
Mary	x

Lemon Bonus = 3

Overall Score:  96.4(A+)

Russell

We finally made it!  The last stop on the tour is Magoo's in East Ridge.  It is both exciting and sad.  It is exciting because now we get to crown a champion but sad because the burger tour is over.  I'd say that we finished the tour pretty strong though.  Magoo's is another place that I had never been and I really didn't know what to expect.  Recently, Magoo's has received publicity for being the starting place for American Idol runner-up Lauren Alaina.  She performed there on the weekends for several years before competing on American Idol.

The burger was big and was topped with good veggies.  The bun was very good and had a sweet taste.  We learned that they had just started using the new buns a week before.  I don't know what the previous buns were like, but I'd say they made a good move by switching.  The fries were fresh, hand cut fries.  This always earns extra points in my book.  The service was very good and everyone was very nice.  Overall, it was just a really good experience.  It is definitely somewhere that I will go to again.  If you are ever in the East Ridge area and you have a hankering for a good burger, head over to Magoo's.  You won't be disappointed.

Overall Score:  90(A-)

Mark

What a way to wrap up the tour!  I haven't been to Magoo's since I was in college, but it was just as good as I remembered.  This is an 8oz. burger folks, so go hungry.  Veggies were great and the hand cut fries were excellent, although I prefer the larger fries to the shoestring size.  This would easily be a 10 burger for me, except that it was a tiny bit dry.  My favorite part of this burger was the bun, which was really soft and had a sweet taste to it.  They told us they had just switched to these buns last week and although I don't have any idea what the old buns were like, I'd say that was a good move.

The atmosphere of Magoo's is great, and I bet it would be an excellent place to watch a game.  Plenty of locals during lunchtime give this place just the right feel.  You'll also get your money's worth here, as this colossal burger, fries, tea and tip rings up at just under 12 bucks.

Can't wait to go back to Magoo's.  I think next time I might even try some wings!

Overall Score:  93.5(A)

Tubby's

Stop 16 on the burger tour:  Tubby's

Overall Score:  81(B-)

	Burger	Sides	Service/Exp	Value	SCORE
John	59.5	7	6	7.5	80
Russell	62	8	5	8	83
Mark	63	7	3	7	80

Russell

Finally our long awaited visit to Tubby's is here.  I was really looking forward to this stop because it had been years since I had a burger at Tubby's.  I really didn't know what to expect this trip because I had heard many mixed opinions from people who had been there recently.  The visit started off great.  The first thing I saw when I walked in was framed Tennessee jerseys of Peyton Manning and Jamal Lewis.  We are off to a great start!!!

The good start didn't last long though.  I will address the negative first.  The service was pretty bad.  John and I got our burgers and were half done before Mark got his burger.  No, we do not wait on anyone to eat!  I'm sure Mark will rant about this, so I will not go in to detail.  

The burger was much better than the service.  The veggies were great and the burger had a grilled flavor.  The burger was big and my bun was falling apart after the first bite.  We killed a tree with all of the napkins that we used (one of the indicators that Mark looks for in a good burger).  

We have been spoiled with the number of really good burgers that we have had on this tour.  We will all be burger snobs now for the rest of our lives.  With that being said, Tubby's offers a pretty darn good burger if you are looking for such on the North Shore.  My advice though is to keep going past Tubby's and head to Merv's.

Overall Score:  83(B)

Mark

Once the word was out that Tubby's was next on our list, we received feedback from several folks; some reviews were positive and some were negative.  After today's visit, I can see why.

Tubby's is a restaurant built around a burger.  And what a burger it is.  In fact, it may be the largest one I've had this summer, and that is saying a lot.  If I were to guess, I'd say this patty comes in at close to the half pound mark and has a great flavor to it.  Tons of onion, lettuce, pickle and tomato between two colossal buns round out this burger.  Fries were big, hand cut wedges served piping hot and the tea was spot on.  So based on the burger alone, I'm pretty happy.

And now the bad news; the service in this place might be the worst of all sixteen burger joints on the Tour.  You order yourself, which isn't such a big deal, except if your name is Mark apparently.  John and Russell were halfway through their meal before mine was brought out and instead of an apology, I was told that they gave MY burger to one of the other six Marks sitting inside, which seemed unlikely as there were only a handful of patrons in the dining room.  Honestly, the staff just wasn't that friendly; it's possible I could be overreacting, but waiting far too long on my food does that to me.

Value for this place is borderline; it's obvious they cut corners on the little stuff, like the ketchup which had a funky cheap taste to it.  You'll get out of here spending less than ten bucks, but this is unlikely to be one of my top five choices for the money.

Overall Score: 80 (B-)

John

I'm sorry folks, but I just didn't feel the love for Tubby's so I don't have a whole lot to say.

 Although the exterior is attractive, I found it rather dark and a little grungy inside.  The signed Peyton Manning jersey couldn't overcome the poor impression for me.  The deck is much better, but I could have done without the wasp.  I know we are looking for “nothing fancy,” but that doesn't mean it can't be pleasant.  Just check out Zarzour's or Marsha's.

To the burger:  we agreed it was the biggest one we've been served so far, but you know, size isn't everything.  Although it had a really nice flavor, there was something about it that was lacking.  Maybe not juicy enough.  Or maybe not the best beef to start with.  Hard to put my finger on it, but it just didn't stack up to the top tier burgers in my book.  Bun was actually too large and I came close to losing control of the sandwich about half way through, but I powered on to the end.

Service is non-existent except they do bring you the burger instead of screaming out your name like some places we know.  But they didn't bring Mark's out with mine and Russell's and as I have noted before, that is a pet peeve of mine.

Price is under $10.00.  Even though the burger was large, I'm just not sure they are buying premium grade beef and given the lack of service, I can't say it is an outstanding value. 

Lemon bonus  = I'm going to reluctantly give them one point.  True, they have lemons, but you have to get them yourself and the bonus is to be given "if tea is served with lemon."  One point deduction.  They didn't have any tongs to retrieve the lemon so everyone is sticking their nasty fingers in there.  One point deduction.

Overall Score: 80 (B-)

Last stop on the tour:  Magoo's

Marsha's Backstreet Cafe

Stop 15 on the burger tour:  Marsha's

Overall Score:  91.3(A-)

	Burger	Sides	Service/Exp	Value	SCORE
John	69.3	6.5	10	9	94.8
Russell	60	6	10	8	84
Mark	70	7	10	8	95

Russell

This week we visited yet another place that I have never been.  One of the great things about the burger tour has been all of the places that we have gone that we probably would have never tried if it had not been for the tour.  Marsha's is a hidden gem on Brainerd Road.  If you haven't been to Marsha's, you probably don't even know where it is located.  Marsha's was recommended to us by one of our followers on the blog.  Whoever recommended it, thank you!  

The burger was great and the service was outstanding.  If you like onion on your burger, you will love this burger.  All of the veggies on the burger were good, but the onion was outstanding.  The only negative about this visit was the frozen crinkle cut fries.  On the menu it says that they serve fresh hand cut fries but we were served the frozen fries.  It was explained to us later that the reason they served us the frozen fries was that they had received some bad potatoes.  I had a hard time deciding how to score this category, but in the end it is what it is.  I also dinged them a point on value since they still charged us the $1.75 to substitute the fries for the chips.

Marsha's is definitely somewhere that I will go back.  They have lunch specials every day and one of the regulars told us that the cold plate was superb.  It will be hard to go there and not get the burger though.  Do yourself a favor and check this place out.  You won't be sorry!

Overall Score:  84(B)

Mark

All summer, I have been waiting for the one burger to come through as the surprise dark horse of the Tour, and today I finally found it.

If someone didn't tell you the location of Marsha's, it's a pretty safe bet you would never find it.  Tucked behind a liquor store on Brainerd Road, Marsha's has been thriving almost exclusively on word-of-mouth advertising since 1999.  I can see why they have been successful.

It's a great little hamburger joint, just the right size, clean and cozy.  Local artwork lines the walls, which I think is a great touch.  Service was outstanding and it was obvious they were glad to have us for lunch, even offering a sample of their chicken salad to try and entice us back for another visit.  To be honest, they didn't need to do that; I'll be back for the burger again, promise.

This is a championship burger; fantastic beef, tons of onion and fresh tomato stacked on a toasted bun make this a perfect 10 burger for me.  The sweet tea was great and our server brought around the refills often.  Again, the friendly service was tops here.

Now to the fries.  Just after we ordered, Jimmy came to our table and explained that normally they serve fresh cut fries at Marsha's, but the potatoes this year have been impacted by the amount of rain we've had this summer.  He told us that after cooking them, the finished fry wasn't up to their standards and rather than serve an inferior product, they decided instead to serve frozen fries and offer an apology.  Wow.  You have to respect that.  They take their food seriously here, and it shows.  He could have just sent out the frozen fries without taking the time to tell us why, but the fact that he did makes up for any negatives I would have given them for serving frozen taters, so my sides score will be higher than normal as a result.

Value is going to take a ding, as we came in at over ten bucks before tip.

This visit has made the entire Tour worthwhile; we found a place in Chattanooga that has a great burger that we otherwise would have missed.  Go to Marsha's and take an appetite.  Sure, they have other items on the menu, but get the burger.  Of all the places we've been, this is going to be the first repeat stop I'll make once the Tour is over.  That's the highest compliment I can give it.

Seriously, it's that good.


Overall Score: 95 (A+)

John

It's been almost 24 hours and I can still hear the chants:  MARSHA!  MARSHA! MARSHA!

We finally got what we have been waiting for since June 26—a burger and diner that gives Merv's and Armando's a run for their money.  

Marsha's is just a great place.  It's really nice inside:  open, plenty of light and funky artwork on the walls which Marsha's son Jimmy explained is courtesy of a former waitress who aspired to be an artist but who now does some sort of work for JLO.  Place was full of regulars, always a good sign.

But let's cut to the chase.  Marsha made us a superb burger.   Size equal to Merv's and Armando's—meaning you may need an afternoon nap.  Really juicy.  Large bun, lightly toasted.  Veggies good as any we've seen.  I particularly liked the thick slice of onion and dill chips-my favorite--attractively served on the side.  It gets a 9.9, same as Merv's, and I think everyone would agree that is saying A LOT.

The fries, as Mark has explained, are really hard to score.  I know Russell isn't going to cut them any slack and they were what they were.  But I have to give Jimmy some credit for apologizing.  So I'm going to give them a 6.5. 

A 10 for Service/Experience.  As I mentioned, the atmosphere is great.  Jerrod was an attentive waiter, but Jimmy really made it for me.  He made sure we were well taken care of and he was fun to talk with.  He brought us samples of their chicken salad which was excellent.

Value is where I'm going to ding them a bit.  Russell is right, they really shouldn't have upcharged for the frozen fries.

Lemon bonus  = 3.5.  I'm giving a little extra here because it was the biggest lemon wedge I've gotten PLUS Jerrod thoughtfully added one to my to-go cup.

Many, many thanks to our loyal reader NoogaTiger for recommending Marsha's.

P.S.  The experience ended on a very special note when we got the absolutely fantastic health report on a very, very good man.  Bless you James.

Overall Score: 94.8 (A)

Next stop on the tour:  Tubby's

Roy's Grill

Stop 14 on the burger tour:  Roy's Grill

Overall Score:  78.8(C+)

	Burger	Sides	Service/Exp	Value	SCORE
John	59.5	6	9	10	84.5
Russell	49	6	9	8	72
Mark	56	4	10	10	80

Mark

Sometimes the best trips are those you didn't plan.

Having been denied our scheduled stop at Lou's Burger House, we opted to see what else we could find in downtown Rossville, and what better way to get a taste of this little state-line town than to visit historic Roy's Grill.

This place is a down to earth, old fashioned diner.  You'll see a life size cutout of Elvis, a jukebox, an old Bakelite radio and plenty of smiles from the staff when you enter.  When we were there, Andy Griffith was on TV and he seemed right at home.

I chose the Jr. burger, as the thought of going back to work after a half- pound burger was too much to consider.  I liked this burger; it tasted great and probably had the best tomato of any burger this summer.  I also appreciate that they melt the cheese on the patty here and don't just slap a cold slice on the bun.  The sweet tea was by far the best I've had on the Tour; it was perfect!  The problem area for this meal is the fries--frozen crinkle cuts which didn't have much taste despite having been sprinkled with seasoning salt by the cook and regular salt by me.  Bland is the word that comes to mind.

So where does it score?  Middle of the pack burger here folks.  It's a great choice if you are in the area, but not worth the drive otherwise.  On the other hand, the meatloaf they were serving actually does look like it would be worth the drive.

Although we hadn't planned on visiting Roy's, I'm glad we did.  We took a chance on a place we didn't know anything about and it turned out to be a fun little adventure.  I'll certainly go back even if this isn't going to be the winner.

Overall Score: 80 (B-)

John

Well, Well, Well.  Our  first true adventure.  Destination: Lou's on McFarland Avenue down in Georgia.   Recommended by one of our many loyal readers.  Russell is having second thoughts because not only are we not in our fair city, we aren't even in our great state.  Mark assures him it's okay because it is still in our acceptable radius.  Of far more concern to me is that it appears we have somehow been transported to Detroit.  It's been awhile since I traveled down Rossville Boulevard and I knew it had gone downhill from its glory days of the motor mile, but today we are looking at some serious urban blight.  We bemoan the decline.  But hey, we are on a mission.

Once we get close, I start to get excited because the neighborhood looks a little better and Urban Spoon has it at 93%.  When WILL I learn?  As you already know, dear reader, Lou's was closed for renovations.  Not only am I terribly disappointed I won't get to try a Lou burger, I'm starting to worry about getting lunch at all.  I don't remember seeing ANYTHING on the way down that might be acceptable.  I mean even the Hardee's looked beat.

But Mark saves the day.  He's in the back seat working his iPhone furiously.  He identifies Roy's at the corner of Rossville Boulevard and McFarland.  It's got a high 90%.  How did we miss it?  If our loyal reader made it down to Lou's, why didn't “Anonymous” mention Roy's?  Whatever.  It passes our immediate test (looks clean) so we are going to have a burger after all!


It turned out to be a really nice lunch.  Burger was good enough—cheese nicely melted, great vegies, good bun, but the meat was not all that juicy.  Crinkly frozen fries—ho hum.  But I really liked the atmosphere.  Shakaya was a very good and likeable waitress.  The value was right up there.  But it was another place with a burger that didn't knock my socks off, but the rest of the menu looked well worth a repeat visit.  Next to me sat the meatloaf looking and smelling delicious and another seat down was a chicken fried steak calling my name.  All the vegetables looked quite tasty.  We'll be back.

P.S. to "Perry" who we ran into yesterday:  We are NOT putting 212 on the tour.  I already told you we don't live on Signal Mountain and we aren't used to such.

Lemon bonus  = 0.  Stupid packets so I got a Diet Coke

Overall Score: 84.5 (B)

Russell

Today's stop on the tour took a detour since Lou's Burger House was closed for what looked like remodeling.  Mark pulled out his phone to find somewhere near our location to eat and found Roy's Grill.  Roy's Grill was established in 1934 according to the clock hanging inside.  Roy's is a 50's style diner now that reminded me a lot of the diner in the movie Back to the Future.  

The special for the day was meat loaf and it looked great, but we were there for a burger.  The burger was pretty good but it does not compare to what John refers to as the "top tier" of our list.  The burger was served with frozen crinkle cut fries but at least they seasoned the fries.  

The atmosphere was great and they had a wall mounted flat screen tuned to The Andy Griffith Show.  That has to count for something even though a wall mounted flat screen goes against a 50's style décor.  This was a pretty good stop considering everything and how we ended up at Roy's.  It is definitely somewhere I will try again for their meat and three special.  

Overall Score: 72 (C-)

Next stop on the tour:  Marsha's Backstreet Cafe  

Nikki's

Stop 13 on the burger tour:  Nikki's

Overall Score: 87 (B+)

	Burger	Sides	Service/Exp	Value	SCORE
John	59.5	9	10	10	88.5
Russell	60	7	10	10	87
Mark	56	8	10	10	86

Russell

This week's stop is one that I have been looking forward to since we decided on our list for the burger tour.  Nikki's Drive Inn has been serving great food in Chattanooga since 1941.  It has been featured in Fodor's Travel Guide and has been profiled in USA Today and Southern Living.  Nikki's started on Seventh Street and later moved to Cherokee Boulevard after Nikki's husband lost the restaurant in a gambling bet.  When you walk in Nikki's, you can just picture what it would have been like to eat here during the '40s and '50s.  In fact, when my grandparents were dating, they spent many dates dining at Nikki's.

We decided to go early since Nikki's has limited seating and it is always busy.  We got there at 11:40 am and it was already packed for lunch.  We got the last booth and all of the counter seating was full.  We were immediately greeted and asked what we'd like to drink and then Amanda came and took our order.  We all ordered the cheese burger and fries.  Nikki's is known for great onion rings and as tempting as they were, I have stuck to fries during the entire tour.  Next time I WILL get onion rings.  Our food came out very quick.  They have their service down to an art.  The meat was fresh and the veggies were good.  I particularly liked the chopped onions and the steamed bun.  



I can't wait to go back to Nikki's.  There are so many things on the menu that I want to try.  Everything looked great.  Maybe next time I will take my grandparents so they can reminisce about their early years.

Overall Score: 87 (B+)

Mark

Whenever I walk into an establishment that has a picture of Johnny Cash on the wall, I know we are off to a good start.

What can you say about Nikki's?  It's a Chattanooga landmark.  I've been here numerous times and having never had a bad experience.  I certainly couldn't wait for today's Tour stop.

Unlike the really thick, third-pound burgers you'll find at Armando's and Merv's, Nikki's serves up a thinner patty, served on a fresh bun that's been slightly kissed by a Toastmaster press.  Don't worry, you'll still be full; the burger takes up nearly the whole plate.

I have a bit of a dilemma when it comes to scoring this visit.  The burger is good, really good.  But is it Merv's or Armando's good?  It's in the same neighborhood, but it doesn't quite reach the high bar set by the others.  The fries are fine, and my tea was super sweet, "hold your spoon up" sweet, which I like.  The service was fantastic, lots of smiles and friendly chat; we were even told the be careful in the rain when we left.  An excellent overall value as well, coming in at a little over 8 bucks.

So what's the dilemma?

It's the darn atmosphere.  I love this place.  From the pay telephone in the corner to the jukebox songs you can select right from your booth, this is a perfect hamburger joint.  Given the total overall burger experience, I would place this stop in the top three.  But, since the weight of the score is anchored by the burger, I'm afraid Nikki's is going to sail down the list below where it might otherwise land.  Yes you might be able to find a better burger in Chattanooga, but if you don't have Nikki's in your rotation, you're missing out.

Do yourself a favor and grab a friend and a little cash and head up to Nikki's.  Order the burger with onion rings and you are sure to smile.

And keep an eye out for Johnny.

Overall Score: 86 (B+)

John

I think we have mentioned before that one of the really great things about the Burger Tour is that it has forced us out of the rut we had been in on our lunch choices and motivated us to patronize new establishments as well as return to old favorites.  My first comment when we sat down was why haven't I been to Nikki's in so long.  I had no good answer.

Why I love Nikki's:

• Cool building nestled on Stringer's Ridge
• Fantastic atmosphere—our kind of place; right up there with Zarzour's
• Great service 
• Steamed buns
• Diced onions
• Yummy fries
• Fabulous shrimp and onion rings (we didn't enjoy them today, but they are as good as they come)
• Super value

The only beef I have is with the beef.  The patty is kind of puny and just doesn't compare to Merv's, Armando's, Zarzour's, Urban Stack or Tremont.  I would actually rate it lower than I did, except the bun and the diced onions really kick the sandwich up a notch.

Since we give the burgers so much weight, my overall score puts Nikki's in the second tier.  This tour is all about the burgers after all.  But as far as a general recommendation on a place to dine, Nikk's definitely belongs at the top.  Dear Beth—I don't know why you walked out, but you have got to go back.

Lemon bonus = 3.  Didn't have to ask Amanda twice.

Overall Score: 88.5 (B+)

Next stop on the tour:  Lou's Burger House

Doctor's Building Coffee Shop

Stop 12 on the burger tour:  Doctor's Building Coffee Shop

Overall Score: 73(C)

	Burger	Sides	Service/Exp	Value	SCORE
John	56	5	7	9	77
Russell	49	6	8	8	71
Mark	49	6	7	8	70

Mark

It's no secret to those who know me that I have been anticipating this Tour stop for some time.  They have a very high UrbanSpoon rating and the photo of the burger they have posted looks downright delicious.  Besides, this just seems like the type of place that a "from out of nowhere" burger might come from to surprise us all.  So how did the little Coffee Shop measure up?

Rather poorly I'm afraid.  This burger can hold it's own, but it's not going to knock your socks off either.  A nice patty with fresh veggies and a decent bun make it about as straightforward as any I've had on the Tour, but it needed something "extra".  They do get kudos for not using a frozen patty like North Chatt Cat and Porker's, but it was a bit on the dry side.  It's large size and small price makes for good value, but not enough to overcome it's lack of flavor. The sweet tea was on target and I do like the little pellet ice they serve.   The fries had very little taste at all; I sense these are just commercial frozen taters and honestly they looked better than they tasted.

I had the hardest time coming up with my "atmosphere" score for this stop.  It's a weird place, tucked in a weird building.  NPR was playing on the speakers and the decorations just somehow don't seem to fit.  A makeover could turn this into a really quaint little diner, but as for now, I'm not feeling it.  Service was fine.

This burger isn't bad, and if you are a UTC student, this is probably a good option for you because of it's proximity to campus.  I also think that maybe I might visit again sometime and try the daily special, but if I'm going out for a burger, this isn't going to be very high on my list.

Overall Score: 70 (C)

John

At the suggestion of one our many loyal readers, we added the Doctor's Building Coffee Shop to our list.  I didn't even know it had a restaurant, but I definitely remember going to the building when I was a kid.  There was an actual elevator operator.  That's how old I am!

Anyway, after Beth's recommendation and seeing the photo of the double cheeseburger on Urban Spoon, we got ourselves all excited again.  We may need to work on that.

I've read a number of reviews lauding Choco's burgers, but I thought mine was just average.  The bun and veggies were good, but the burger itself, while it started out good somehow got dry by the last few bites.  Maybe it was a fluke.

Frozen fries—nuff said.  Sad pickle on the side.

Price is certainly right.  I particularly appreciate the $1.10 price for the tea.

For lack of a better word, I have to say the experience left me unsettled.  It was sort of like a Twilight Zone episode.  Time has stopped.  Maybe in the 70's.  Dead plants lining the walls.  A live plant kept in shape with a chain.

 Grungy menus.  A hutch stacked with magazines of uncertain lineage.  A rotary phone (I'm not kidding you) on the wall.    What I can only describe as eclectic art posters on the walls.  But then the odd disconnects.  A Japanese owner/cook.  And perhaps the weirdest thing:  no TV, but Fresh Air was being broadcast with Terry Gross interviewing Tig Natory in 2012 about her cancer diagnosis.   Just a very strange lunch scene.

Exiting the building, we reviewed the directory.  Appears to be only one doctor left in the Doctor's Building; the uncertainty of his place reflected by his posting a note next to the elevator that his office is on the second floor. 

But I will say this.  It seemed as though there were a lot of regulars in the place and most were having the special of the day:  Choco's lasagna which looked good and everyone appeared to be enjoying.   I wouldn't mind going back, but maybe not for the burger.

Lemon bonus = 0.  It was pretty funny when Zack brought my tea with no lemon and I asked again and he brought the bottle of ReaLemon concentrate.  At least I didn't have to open the stupid little packets.

Overall Score: 77(C+)

Russell

This week's stop on the burger tour was the Doctor's Building Coffee Shop on McCallie Avenue.  This is a place that was suggested by one of our readers.  I had been here several times while I was in college at UTC.  I remembered from college that they had good food, but it had been many years since I had been.  I knew what to expect when I walked in, but I think John and Mark were a little weirded out.  It is a strange little place and we were entertained throughout our lunch by NPR playing loudly on the radio.  

The special for the day was lasagna and it looked really good, but we were there for the burger.  It started off bad when John ordered tea with lemon.  As most of our readers know, John is very picky when it comes to lemon with his tea.  The server brought our drinks and John did not have a lemon.  John asked the waiter again for his lemon and the waiter brought out a big bottle of lemon juice concentrate.  Enough with the lemon though... how did the burger stack up with the competition???

I thought the burger was pretty good, but it was not close to the burgers currently at the top of our list.  Lets just leave it at that.  If someone asked me where to go to get a burger, this would not be high on my list.  After having the burger, I had orderer's remorse.  I should have gotten the special for the day.

Overall Score: 71 (C)

Next stop on the tour:  Nikki's

Porker's

Stop 11 on the burger tour:  Porker's

Overall Score: 53(F)

	Burger	Sides	Service/Exp	Value	SCORE
John	35	5	9	6	55
Russell	35	6	9	6	56
Mark	28	5	9	6	48

John

Not counting Subway--because it doesn't qualify as eating out-- over the last several  years we have probably dined at Porker’s more often than any other restaurant.  (Champy's is a close second, but more on that in a later post.)  But I have never ordered anything but BBQ from Porker’s.  Who knew they even served hamburgers?  When the idea first came up, Russell  said he had heard that BBQ joints make great burgers because they know how to do meat.  So I was excited by the prospect of a Porker’s burger.

Russell and I drove to Porker’s in my very comfortably air-conditioned truck (which I much enjoyed despite Martyr Mark’s derision).   I would never have imagined the drive would be the highlight of the experience.  Whoever made the statement about BBQ cooks making good burgers has obviously not had one from Porker’s.  What can I say?  It was just awful.  I’ll let Russell and Mark fill in the details, but let’s just say I almost asked Kim, a very nice waitress, to bring me a spoonful of pulled pork so I could cleanse my palate.    Porker’s barbeque is so good,  my theory is that they just don’t care about the burgers.  They really should take it off the menu if they aren't even going to try.

Oh well.  As  Haruki Murakami (not Forrest Gump) said in the book Norwegian Wood, "Just remember, life is like a box of chocolates." ... "You know, they've got these chocolate assortments, and you like some but you don't like others? And you eat all the ones you don't like as much? I always think about that when something painful comes up. 'Now just polish these off, and everything'll be OK.' Life is a box of chocolates."

Almost wish I hadn't polished off the Porker’s burger I didn't like, but you do what you gotta do and everything is OK because next week we get to try another chocolate.

Overall Score: 55(F)

Lemon Bonus: 3

Russell

This week we knocked out our burger stop early.  Now I have nothing to look forward to for the end of the week.  After the burger stop today at Porker's, I really need another burger fix fast because this one was very disappointing.  I have been to Porker's many times before but I had never ordered a burger.  Note to self: never do so again.  Stick to the BBQ.  The BBQ is great and it has been a Chattanooga staple for over 23 years.  None of us could remember why we added Porker's to the burger tour other than George Motz, host of Burgerland on the Travel Channel, once said that all BBQ places have great burgers because they all know how to cook meat.  Well, turns out George is a liar.

The burger patty was very bland and tasted much like the burger patty that we got at North Chatt Cat and we all know how that visit went.  The bun and the veggies were ok except Mark made an unfavorable comment about his lettuce.  Poor Mark was also just getting over a slight case of food poisoning from a burger he had a couple of nights before (from a chain restaurant, not the burger tour).  We all agreed that Porker's and North Chatt Cat must get their frozen beef (or soy) patties from the same food vendor.  The fries were frozen crinkle cut fries, which I was expecting since I had been here many times before and have gotten the fries with the pork plate (which is yummy).  Since the burger was so disappointing, I decided to wash it down with a piece of Oreo cookie pie.  


The moral to today's story is when you go to a BBQ place, stick with the BBQ.  They don't care about burgers.  They are there to serve delicious BBQ.  I can't wait to go back to Porker's to get the BBQ pork plate.  This place should definitely be on a BBQ tour (hint hint).

Overall Score: 56 (F)

Mark

"Where's the beef"?
Who doesn't have fond memories of the little old lady from the 1980's Wendy's commercials?  Her image kept appearing in my mind today as I tried to slug my way through today's burger.

Porkers has been serving great BBQ for years, and in fact is a place we have lunch quite often.  My "go to" item on the menu is the smoked chicken salad.  I've learned today that good BBQ doesn't equal a good burger.

Have you ever noticed that some of the drinks in the grocery store look like orange juice but actually say "Orange Flavored Drink" on the front?  I can only imagine that the box that these frozen patties were delivered in is stamped "Beef Flavored Something".  I can't taste any meat in this thing at all.  The veggies on mine were decent, but they could have been more generous with the lettuce and onion.  The bun was the best part, and best I could tell, was a regular old Colonial Bakery variety you can get at Bi-Lo.  I actually committed a faux pas by adding BBQ sauce to my burger half way through, otherwise the second half would probably have remained on my plate.  The fries were frozen crinkle cuts and as I've said before, those are not a deal breaker for me, but I must have been served the last of the batch because all I had were tiny end pieces.

So what can save this burger?  Nothing.  They should remove it from the menu.  They should forget it all together, which is what I'm going to do. Do yourself a favor when you visit and order the BBQ; you will be treated to friendly service, a great atmosphere and perfect sweet tea.

"Where's the beef?"  Not at Porker's.  This is pig country.

Overall Score: 48 (F)

Next stop on the tour:  Doctor's Building Coffee Shop